A is for almighty Allah aggravation allegory. Jesus spoke and taught in allegories. allegorical- gore-gory gorgeous gorgiosity. Glamour go to the place where your heart sings and speak to me.
B of bong pipes where smoke fills lungs – Swimmer lungs of college of the ocean near y –long narrow hallways wandering handkerchief skirts and blond hair in braids , tapestry pins in hair and on white sweet lace blouses.
C- coins – Trevi fountain. Plop. I heard there’s a Mac Donald’s behind the Trevi fountain in Rome which is just to sad to contemplate. I forever remember Danilo Palmucci standing in front of me- an young Italian man apparition, “How tall you are?”
D doors opening to the heart- a lot candle a quiet place and clean clear well polished wood table an empty chair-a silence-warmth – peace. no noise.
E -everywhere everybody everything eeking out of every pore- breath and sight and birds and sweet sweet peace. All this while the washing machine runs.
F-Fracas – God is in the fracas. Alison said she likes to be in the heart of disaster. Turmoil, upturning. i imagine –like the eye of a hurricane.
God–God Gahad. Gihad. Golly gorgeous. We always return to gorgeous. God is gorgeous. God as Lana Turner as Rita Hayworth as Wally Cox. All Gorgeous.
H-Hoisted y your own petard. We have been hoisted here to this place, to holly hocks, birds, Buddha alters and pagoda-steeples.
I-Iridescent. iridescent. descent to the shimmering place. Yesterday we found the function in Word that allows you to make your text shimmer. Shimmering text or marching ants or Las Vegas light. So you can say SOUP in bright letters and it becomes iridescent. sort of.
J just that just the moment of focus the precious immediacy of now that I can barely bare. I need to do sit ups to bare the nowness of now but just now is iridescent -even in the shit and gore of now. just now is god.
k-kind. kind . be kind. kindness to my home, my body, my pets, the planet , my partner, my being, my life.
L life life on earth on Tralfamodore. hello goodbye hello goodbye hello goodbye. So philosophical about things. hello hello goodbye–the Tralfamodore greeting per Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse Five book. hello goodbye. Where do you want to spend this life with God. You are already. C P of G (consciousness of the presence of god)
M-moist. moist places of possibility down the stairs to the left where the Bunny and squirrel fence leans where Gracie and Rocky do their morning pee–just near the apple tree amongst the bracken moist moist mucky place.
N not bad noise–water flowing traffic. Engines going movement parade parade parade parade parade parade
O oil ogle olive branch. I’ve been eating olives lately as Dr. Emily says, it’s the good kind of fat. it makes me feel so middle eastern. I feel particularly accomplished that I use my special olive holder with the side area of the dish carved out especially for the pits.
P pits pits of olives of hell of a pock marked face. high school – the hell of pock marked face puss oozing and what the body is busy manufacturing.
Q quit it . not quite something. quite. quick. quick now. quicken. the quick and the dead. what is that from?
R Rabbits. I saw the ODC version of the Velveteen Rabbit. It felt old . It felt like a Velveteen Rabbit itself. i have such an old love association with that story.
S. Something that Weaver gave to me. A letter from him referencing the Velveteen Rabbit. I think I made him a gift of that book one year. I copied out the Skin Horse’s reply to the question, “What is Real?”
T Toys that became real because they have been loved.
U ultimate ulna. slim arm bones that work in conjunction with radius, muscle, tendon, blood and air to activate this pen moving across the page to write about God.
V vociferous vociferously quietly voraciously devouring each moment. Cars pass on the 580 and head toward the hereafter.
W where where to the next place now sit up for God. Leslie and i binged on God on Sunday. Thinking to join a church which we still may do this Sunday. Read to each other out of Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s “North to the Orient”. Where in our cottage we tripped out on the lord of love and all that is possible.
X Exit wound. a bullet passed through my father’s brain four years ago, exiting his right temple landing in the door. the bullet was removed. Jay patched the now.
Y you know I thought of the moment – Jay spackling the now.
Z-coffee and exit and go.
Leslie’s alphabet: God is Love and Hate is not a family value.
A is for Adam, apple and agnostics who feel pointed out of paradise by antagonism from within.
b is for bread of life. buying god. b is for brethren, beauty. B is for bible stories of a man in the sky parting ravaged seas-requesting sacrifices.
c is is for first century Christians for cars to make it up the hill we pray to God. C is for children who arrive angry or joyous calm or crying.
D is from druids, my people of the trees. desire under the elms. death of a salesman. d is for driving winds and turf the mighty hand of..
E is for everyman. god is everyman. everlasting arms. ego centric atheism ego driven edging away e is for evangelist.
F Franz Liszt. French bread toad. F is for firmament coil in a dimming bulb. f is for fire pillars of cartoon. fire in the 10 commandments.
G is for gracious God. Go in peace. Gomorrah . Granite faces in a mountain top. Gods and monsters . Gratitude.
H How great thou art? How do I reach thee? you? youze? How am i doin God? here I am. H is for him her.
I is the big black I that cover the Room of one’s own page. I beam holding up temple walls. the I of little things. Italy Ireland Iowa Illinois Indiana one nation under God indivisible.
J Jaywalkers seeing the light. The flimsy reed joining the thick stalk of a jack and the bean stalk into the clouds into heaven and big McMansions in the sky.
K Circle K convenience stores in Ne Orleans Krispy Kremes: God’s Donuts . K is for God.
L Love God is Love a force flowing limb too limb love synapses flowing forward love is for God let us pray. Long ago and far away it goes on still the present is long ago and far away.
M magnificent obsession of the bottle. the spirits magnified fear – magnified safety. God’s plans in a snake bite.
N is for God. No where to be seen unless you count everywhere. Eyes open or closed. Never Neverland. notes on a piano. news of..
O is for O singing mouths of the Peanut Kids. Over the hill. out of time. one ways, so many one ways to God from God the dimension. ordinary Time . o. o. o.
P is for partaking in the sacrament. Pleasing a loving God. Parrots and plantains. Perking up at the sound of a car door. painting pictures can…
Q questions questing.Johnny Quest and Haji cartoon boys and men. Q is for quarantined- a forced meditation with God.
R Raider flags and sweatshirts running fast kicking up dust riding the rollercoaster.
S Sacraments of baptism life, death, singing so God knows we’re trying. sunlight, sleeping, staring.
T is for transformation transfiguration time to become who we are intended to be. God’s tears are tears of joy.
U is for utterance uttering unmentionable things under the clouds under the fingernails under the ground. U is for God’s uvula in a big open mouth.
V Verily verily values voices vision conceived vision of heaven’s vortex.
W Water sprinkled on foreheads. waiting for the bath to cool. water running down the back yard. waiting for the birds to land. w is for god wonder weigh stations.
x marks the you are here spot. and the map is x is for xylophone. god’s strips of fruity wood emitted dulcimer tone. telling you something.
Y years god by. god is not on the Gregorian calendar. god is on no calendar at all. youth. yearning. yelling.
z is for god. zebras.
love and hate
a is for amor being with the one you love. amor amorous amend america alcohol achoo. sneeziing my way into love. achoo. you get three god bless yous and then if you sneeze again you’re on your own. people tend to only have three consecutive god bless yous. if you continue sneezing after that-well. God. with out the bless you. quit it.
b is for boyfriend. oh him. he’s my boyfriend. boy friend. girl friend love friend. fried eggs. green eggs and ham. up since 4 am writing to write. taking up space on the planet. manc morning making zazzle custom postage online and saving it in my account. making a stamp that says calm down with a picture of the calm lake (superior )and an oar. we took the picture when we were in Canada. now maybe it will go on a stamp. boy.
c crap. crap of my mind. quit quit it.
d diligence dog dogmatic- I hate hateful people. I’m wearing the anti cruelty society tee shirt. can we put a positive spin on that? how about the nice society. when you say anti-cruelty then you think of images of cruelty as opposed to images of kindness. the kind society. instead of let’s not be mean. let’s be nice. let’s be kind. be kind. don’t not be mean. just go straight to kind. no work around -straight line to love.
e euuuuu euuuuuu. eeeeee. eeeeee. elephant. eeeeuuuuu. eeeeuuuu.
f is for forget. the forgetting. A show leslie watched the other night on alzheimers about how 500million people will be diagnosed with the disease in the next –when.I forget. and i’m not tryiing to be funny. can’t remember but we’ve got a forgettng nation on our hands of epidemic proportions. I wonder if it’s tv’s fault or other toaster oven waves going into our brains. leslie and i have slowly started watching tv again. it scares me.
g great sloughing off my shoulders and humming through the night and snoring in the distance and whirring of cars going by and maybe I’m jsut one of these people who will write and write and it will be in a big pile somewhere and amount to a shredded hill of stuff. okay. maybe. cars pass. gracie snores. a bird tweets. the cherry tree out front of our house is blooming and the grapefruit tree outback is starting up another cycle of grapefruit. there are still some apples hanging in there. unwilling to drop off.
B is for blew a gasket. This whole week I’ve been blowing gaskets –blowing gaskets for the kitchen granite pricing and car maintenance pricing and now for the b for bills for the ms testing and for the uninformed self proclaimed ‘medical professional’ aka medical collections person. I noticed as I was losing it with this woman I had this much calmer unreactive self under the caffienated reacting self that was watching me take stuff personally and getting all instructive and better self thought, ”Wow look at her go. She doesn’t need to go there with this person–what a waste of energy to go there–that is too much energy blown in the blowing of that gasket. Wow.”
A is for acrimonious. Acrimonious feelings about medical bills that pile up and up and up and up and up. And people who call and call and call and call. And they are nice and you are nice and everyone is patient and kind and understanding and you are just tired and so you snap. Snap.
“I’m her partner I can talk to you.”
“Partner? I don’t understand what you mean by partner. Partner, how?”
And now that I think about it –it was that IGNORANCE – that made me feel enraged, livid over it and tired. I replied,
“You live in the state of Illinois, in Chicago, and you don’t know the term ‘partner’?”
“No. I’m just a medical professional and under the HEPA law I can only discuss Leslie’s case with a relative or a spouse.”
“Well, I don’t know if you’ve heard that gay people can’t get married.”
“I understand you have some feelings about this, I’m just a medical professional and we’re not going to go there.”
We were there. There is exactly where we were.
A is for aperture the small opening where the light comes in. The tiny place through which the world is captured and brought into focus depending upon how much or how little light you let in.